“Difficulty creates the opportunity for self-reflection and compassion.”– Suzan-Lori Parks
Half way through the shit show called “2020” not a day has gone by that I haven’t had to do some kind of soul searching . This new normal has forced me to figure out my “why” and what I can do differently to have a happy and healthy life .
I thought I had it all figured out ….untill the Covid-19 thingy came along and the world as we know it has completely changed. I had a total plan going into 2020 starting with lifestyle changes, attitude changes , monetary changes and hopefully an address change .
PRESS PAUSE….the universe had a completely different plan. My days are filled with anxiety and uncertainty trying to figure out the “work and stay home in solitude” life balance instead of accomplishing many of my goals. Starting from scratch. Change not on my terms, but big change was on it’s way…. for everyone.
No more spontaneous trips to Ross to buy scented candles and shop for shoes. Those days are over . Now my days consisted of a scavenger hunt for toilet paper, food and hand sanitizer as the shelves had been empty for weeks… I mean months. That in itself was a cause for much anxiety and contemplation about what is really important in life.
“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.” – Margaret J. Wheatley
So back to figuring out my WHY.
I used this time in solitude to figure out what goes on with my brain and within my heart . I had nothing else to do . Action plans put on hold. Saging, journaling , meditation and many phone calls to my best friend was my new ” action plan”.
I have put energy into the wrong things. I have repeated patterns that have sabotaged my progress. I am triggered by situations and in turn I have reacted poorly and have regret. I have made many mistakes and finally saw a pattern .
Good grief!!! Am I really that messed up ? How have I even made it this far in life ??
With each new epiphany a new perspective was formed that created change . I looked forward to each ” Ah Ha” moment as if I was unlocking a secret treasure box. And each new treasure gave me more insight into my own personal accountability and control .
Personal accountability is my new mindset. I have discovered my triggers and behaviors . This new awareness has forced me to take ownership and make neccessary changes and not play the victim anymore.
You are what you eat. You reap what you sow. You attract what you think.
I thought 2020 was a slam dunk and it was going to be MY YEAR with all these accomplishments I set forth. I didn’t get the new job, the dog, the house or the life partner …yet.
Instead it has been MY YEAR in a completely different way. A more enlightened way. I have made more progress and learned more about myself thanks to many phones calls to my best friend, meditation and journaling. I could not have survived year without you.
Thank you!!!
Shine Solo 